My first couple of cars were bought from used car lots. That’s what they were called in those days. ‘Used’ cars were then renamed ‘second hand’ cars over the years. ‘Second hand’ cars evolved into ‘preowned’ vehicles somewhere in time along the way. Returned or once defected electronics are now ‘refurbished’.
But that apparently is not good enough a description anymore. Recently I received this promotion from IKEA drawing our attention to their second hand furnitures:
Give pre-loved furniture a new forever –
Save more than money with our Circular Hub (As-Is), full of pre-loved furniture in need of a good home! Plus, as an IKEA Family member, you’ll get an additional 25% off* this Green Friday from November 26–29
Used furnitures are now beautified as ‘pre-loved’ items looking for a good home. To align with this love theme, these used items are not only pre-loved, they are ready for a picking to their ‘new forever’. Further, your attention is drawn to their ‘as-is’ quality, rather than their ‘used’ past. How self assured they look as they rest comfortably in their Circular Hub. But more so, how clever an advertising ploy working its way into our psyche.
They stroke our desire for untainted newness, while at the same time steer us in their desired direction. After all, who wants to inherit ‘used’ items, not to mention paying for one, particularly in times of the pandemic. ‘Second hand’ at least sounds better than ‘used’. It gives an image of the item gingerly handed over to you, even though it may have passed through many hands. And ‘pre-owned’ offers an air of liberation. It has now been set free from its previous owner. But then who can refuse a piece of ‘pre-loved’ gem, yearning for its new forever; its final stop in its life mission? Of course, until someone comes up with an even better, a more clever and heart clenching euphemism in time.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m totally into being environmentally friendly, recycling usable items and hey, saving a buck here and there. That’s me. But as I’m lured into the hub, I can’t help but wonder if this new branding on used cars and furniture applies equally to us, humans. I mean, imagine I was ditched by my husband or wife. Would I be admired as having been loved and now liberated from my previous partner, waiting for a new beginning with someone who would appreciate and hold onto me forever? Or would I be looked down as ‘used’, ‘second hand’, or worse, ‘rejected’?
Who knows? Fortunately, unlike cars or furniture, our value as a person is not determined by a seller or buyer. We do not have to sit passively in the circular hub, waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to walk in and take us home in order to feel complete. Rather, our self worth, particularly after one or many of these recycling process, rests on how we manage to come through and carry ourselves. Have we turned dejected and vulnerable as a result? Or have we matured and learned to love ourselves better, despite the many dates that have come and gone, or finding ourselves at the end of a long marriage?
Those of us who take lives positively into our hands find our journey meaningful and invigorating. But we will be the first to admit that it’s by no means easy or even always possible. While our human spirit is admirable, there remains one harsh reality. Those unfortunate enough not to have received consistent and unconditional love, early on if not later in life, find it very difficult or even impossible to love, even themselves. Researches coming out from orphanages show that one problem that affects the emotional development in their orphans is the frequent change of staff. As kind as their caregivers may be, they change shifts and they change jobs. To the orphans, their love is neither consistent or unconditional.
But what about mothers? Consider a mother who looked through the nursery window at her new born child with an adoring smile on her face and an unconditional love from her heart. But is it truly unconditional? The nurse came around and said “Sorry Mdm, it’s not this one. It’s the one on the left.’ The mother quickly turned her gaze to the left and together with it her smile and love. “That one is not mine, this one is”. Recent cases where wrong embryos were planted into mothers who then gave birth caused much confusion, heart ache and then hefty law suits against the fertility centers. “The baby that I fought to bring into this world was not mine to keep” or “Which one is my child, and whom should my love be devoted to?” So the confused parents lamented.
When asked, many parents will say that they are fair and they treat all their children equally. But we are humans and we do have blatant or hidden favoritism. We instinctively react differently to our children’s varied temperaments and then to how they treat us as they grow up. Those who are adamant that their parents treat them equally may be up for a nasty surprise when their parents’ will is finally read.
But there are saving grace from these harsh realities of life and our human failings. The good news is that we have all been truly pre-loved unconditionally. Not because we were once lovable or that we inherited all the favors being the only child. On the contrary, we turned against the one who created us and gave us love. We then exercised our God given freedom to walk away. Yet God’s love to us has not changed. He patiently awaits our return to His embrace. His love not only pre existed, but it continues.
Reading the Message translation on Bible’s Roman 5:6-8 “He arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.”
And from the Message translation on 1John 4:19
“We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First we were loved, now we love. He loved us first.”
1 John 4:19 MSG
And that’s part of the Christmas story. Happy holiday!
vinaxios 